I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
