your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
