I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
