I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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