What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
