2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
