Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
NoShamevember. You game?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
