she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
