call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
