Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
