he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
