i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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