I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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