Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
