I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
