Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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