oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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