my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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