Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
