I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have fence marks all over my body
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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