I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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