he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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