If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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