Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize