Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
