Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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