It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I AM VODKA MAN
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
