im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
