I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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