U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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