Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
