Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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