the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
