Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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