my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
