Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize