You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
