Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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