I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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