I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
