Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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