the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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