Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
