I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
