the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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