Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
