just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
