i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
