we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize