I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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