i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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