Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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