I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
