i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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