she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
