you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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