Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
