My friends, they love my intelligence
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
