Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you never un-have a 4some