he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall