do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
