i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
