can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
