Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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