my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
